you're my best bad decision
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: A tale of bad decisions, heartbreak, and pain, told in snapshots. Warning for Character Death.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise. **

_Written for Assignment 1 - Photography, 7: Document moments of someone's entire life in a single story._

_Also Written for the Convince Me Competition - RabastanRegulus_

**Word Count** \- 1742

_Beta'd by Lucy and Elizabeth _

* * *

**you're my best bad decision**

* * *

Age 7.

Rabastan coughed, his tiny frame shaking with it. He felt so awful, and though this happened a lot, he never quite got used to it.

Rodolphus stepped into his room carry a bowl of warm water and a towel. He closed the door quietly behind himself and quickly arranged the bowl and towel near the bed, so Rabastan could inhale the steam.

It helped, sometimes.

What helped more was feeling Rodolphus' warm body sitting beside him, a hand running up and down Rabastan's spine comfortingly.

Soon, it would be left for the house elves to bring Rabastan warm water and towels, because in just a few weeks, Rodolphus would be going to Hogwarts. The thought was enough to make Rabastan's already weak chest convulse again, and within seconds, he was gasping.

Rodolphus seemed to understand the problem and he pulled Rabastan up and hugged him tight, softly promising Rab that he'd be okay.

Everything would be fine.

…

Age 11.

The castle was even bigger than Rodolphus had said, and Rabastan was in awe as they crossed the lake. He tried to mask it, because it wouldn't do to show any kind of emotion to people he didn't know, but he was sure that if anyone wasn't gaping at the castle and they happened to look at him, they'd see his excitement and wonder shining from his eyes.

By the time he was called for sorting, Rabastan felt like he was vibrating in his skin. He'd spotted Rodolphus watching from the Slytherin table, and he knew that his older brother was expecting him to join him there in just a few minutes.

_Slytherin, eh? I believe you'd fit well there, but there are some very strong Hufflepuff traits here that I cannot just ignore— _

Filled with horror at the idea of being separated from Rodolphus again after waiting so long to be with his big brother again, Rabastan desperately begged the hat to put him in Slytherin. After long seconds which felt like weeks, the hat made its decision.

"Thank you," Rabastan whispered as the hat was lifted.

At the Slytherin table, Rodolphus allowed a momentary smile to lift his lips, and he nodded once as Rabastan joined the other Slytherin first years.

…

Age 15.

"Black, really?" Rodolphus asked, wrinkling his nose. "You don't think he's a little wet behind the ears?"

Rabastan rolled his eyes. "You only saw his first two years, Rod. He's grown up quite a lot since then, and… I like him."

Rodolphus snorted. "Well. Better Regulus than Sirius, I suppose. Then you'd really have a problem."

"I'd kill him in a week," Rabastan muttered, thinking of the rambunctious Gryffindor who'd defied his parents and eschewed anything and anyone that maybe connected with them. He'd once considered Sirius, if not his friend, then certainly a boy he knew and occasionally played with.

That was before Hogwarts, of course. Now, Rabastan was sure he existed in Sirius' mind only as one of many unwilling victims of his pranks.

"But Regulus is nothing like his brother."

"I hope," Rodolphus said, softly, "that for your sake, you're correct."

…

Age 17.

"I love you," Regulus whispered. He was sprawled across Rabastan's lap in the library, a book resting on his stomach.

While he was only in his sixth year, Rabastan was in his seventh and needed to study for the upcoming N.E. , which meant lots of time in the library.

His brain stalling on the sentence he'd been reading, he looked down at Regulus.

"You… really?"

Regulus blushed prettily and nodded. "I… yeah. I love you."

Bending over at a painful angle—his back would be so offended with him later—Rabastan kissed Regulus hard.

"I love you too."

…

Age 18.

"I'm not going to forget you," Rabastan promised. "As soon as you finish your last year, I'll be waiting for you."

Regulus pressed his forehead against Rabastan's chest and nodded. "I know, I just… I'll miss you. I'm used to you being around."

"I'll write to you, and try and get up here for Hogsmeade weekends, okay?"

"Are you going to join—"

"You know I am," Rabastan interrupted with a chiding look. "Just like we talked about. Okay?"

Regulus took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. Stay safe, please? I don't… I don't like you being out there without me. How can I protect you when I'm not there?"

Chuckling, Rabastan pressed his lips to Regulus'. "Who says I'm the one that needs protecting?"

…

Age 19.

The lighting in the room was low, the candles burned down to almost nothing. It didn't take away from the pleasure Rabastan got from observing Regulus lying prone on the bed, sated in a way he'd only ever accept from Rabastan.

He'd seen the same sight many nights since Regulus left Hogwarts and rejoined Rabastan's side, but it never failed to make his chest ache in the best possible way.

"Are you coming to bed?" Regulus asked, his eyes half mast, his skin almost _glowing. _

Rabastan nodded, pushing himself off the wall. "Yeah, I'm coming to bed, sweetheart."

…

Age 21.

_I'm sorry, Rabastan. _

_I love you, I just… I can't do this anymore. _

_Regulus. _

…

Age 21.

"I knew you'd ruin him, Lestrange! Where is he? Hiding away like the little coward he is?"

Rabastan tried to keep a lid on his anger, but Sirius was letting his mouth run and run, and Rabastan was losing himself.

He shot curse after curse, defying his master's objective of getting in and out of the fight before the Order of the Phoenix could intervene.

Rabastan's only objective was to shut Sirius the hell up because _how dare he!_

"Rabastan," Rodolphus shouted. "We need to get out of here!"

Ignoring his older brother for the first time in his life, Rabastan kept after Sirius, who'd finally shut up as he'd realised that he'd unhinged something in Rabastan and was fighting back, fighting for the life that Rabastan wanted to take more than he'd ever wanted before.

Rodolphus caught him around the waist and Apparated them out of the fight, but Rabastan saw Sirius fall.

He didn't know if he'd killed him, but he'd shut him up.

That would do for today.

…

Age 22.

"You need to pull yourself together," Rodolphus raged, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. "So your boyfriend left you! It happens every day, Rabastan! You get over it and you _move on!" _

"Move on to what?" Rabastan asked, his eyes never leaving his whisky glass. "The Master is gone, Regulus is gone… what is there to move on too?"

"Bellatrix, she thinks that the Longbottoms know something about the Master. We're going there tonight, to make them talk. Come with us."

Rabastan drained his glass and looked up to meet his brother's eyes. "Fine."

…

Age 25.

He'd long since lost his ability to scream. Azkaban was a horror he could never have prepared for. He didn't know if he'd been there for days, for weeks, for months or for years.

The dementors came, and they destroyed him every time. They made him relive every moment of Regulus' presence in his life, and they reminded him that it was gone.

That Regulus was gone.

Occasionally, Rabastan would see Regulus sitting in Rabastan's cell. He'd lean against the bar, and he'd smile that smile that was only ever for Rabastan.

Every time Rabastan reached out for him, he'd dissipate into smoke, a cruel trick of the mind, just another way to break him until there was nothing left.

…

Age 37.

He took his place in the circle beside his brother. It was strange, being here again. Surreal. He often wondered if he was still sitting in his cell in Azkaban, if his mind had finally broken so much that he imagined being saved entirely.

He always pushed the thoughts away, because he didn't think he had enough imagination left to imagine this.

He'd even stopped seeing Regulus.

Only when he slept, when he dreamt, did he see Regulus now. It hurt even more when he woke up and looked in the mirror, because in his dreams, Regulus was always his beautiful, twenty year old self, and Rabastan had long since been ruined by life.

By Azkaban.

By his choices.

He took orders from his Lord because it meant he didn't have to think. It meant he didn't have to make decisions.

He'd already proven that he didn't make the right ones.

…

Age 39.

Spells were flying all around. Red, green, yellow, white, it was dizzying. Rabastan knew he should join the fight, this final battle to prove his master was superior, but… he was _tired. _

Being back in the castle, his memories of Regulus were almost overwhelming.

And these were children.

Oh, there were adults in the mix of course, but all Rabastan could see were the kids. They were so _young, _and the thought of extinguishing their lives…

He didn't want that.

They deserved the chance to live. To love. To laugh and cry.

The chances that Rabastan gave away without thought when he took the mark. When he handed his heart to Regulus without thought.

Planning to leave, Rabastan slipped through the corridors, sticking to the shadows as much as he could. He just need to get away.

Almost out of the castle, he caught sight of a young boy. He couldn't have been more than sixteen, and he was fighting hard, but quickly losing ground. The Death Eater sending spells at him was playing, and Rabastan's heart sunk.

He knew that stance. He knew that body almost as well as he knew his own.

The green streaks of Avada Kedavra were getting closer and closer to the boy and Rabastan realised that he couldn't watch this. If he'd protected Regulus better, maybe things would have turned out differently.

He ran, his body moving before his mind had fully caught up, and as the last green streak flew from Rodolphus' wand, Rabastan was there, pushing the boy out of the way.

The curse hit him in the side and—

…

_Age - _

"_You're an idiot." _

_Rabastan wrapped his arms around Regulus and squeezed him tightly. "I couldn't do it without you anymore. I'm so tired, Reg." _

"_I'm here now. Rodolphus is going to kick your ass when he gets here, you know?" _

_Rabastan buried his face against Regulus' hair. "Worth it." _


End file.
